Learning to Love Ourselves

By Saurav Hossain ’18 and Samantha Defaz ’18

As human beings, many of us have these irrational and adverse thoughts. We tend to judge ourselves harshly and demean ourselves for no reason.

Instead of bashing ourselves for failing at something or feeling insecure, we should be more gentle and accepting, as well as make an effort to learn about and better ourselves. How we feel about ourselves is directly tied to our emotions, and our perceptions guide us to better understand its connections with our core beliefs that are the source of our negativity. Whenever we feel guilt, shame, fear or a form of unworthiness, we have to ask ourselves what causes us to feel this way. We have to uncover the roots of this self abandoning feeling rather than fuel it with despaired justification, because once the roots have been identified, work can be started to clear these beliefs or live up to them. Thus, it ensures that you love yourself unconditionally.

A method to finding these core beliefs is to just sit down and reflect, answering each question and refuting this unjustified internal negative emotion. Reflecting and questioning where any insecurity or negativity comes from is good step forward. Start with an ” I am —” blank statement and question its validity while also being kind to yourself about your feelings. For example “I am a bad person”. Reflect on that thought “Why do you think u are a bad person?” I am useless and mean to people, like yesterday I yelled at my friend”. Rethink, “I had a rough day yesterday that put me in an unpleasant mood. I know that you’re friend likes you and enjoys my company, why else would they spend time with me?” “Yeah but I’m still pretty useless and stupid.” Respond: ”You’re value is not dictated by the product of your work and you are good at other things that people can appreciate.” And so on.

“I experienced a lot of insecurity about my appearance. I found that exercising semi-regularly and dressing myself in clothing that makes happy helps. Comparing features of physical insecurities to something nice also helped. For example comparing the softness of my greasy face to a comfortable fleece blanket” Samantha Defaz 18’

Improving one’s faults is very effective in achieving self respect and self love. Alternatively, when soul searching and correcting yourself seems to fail you there is always learning love your faults. We all have flaws and have to live with them, might as well take pride in it and love them. Love ourselves for who we are.

Inspirational Quote: “Love only yourself a little bit longer, until you can’t stand not to love someone else” ― Kiera Cass

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